This week I’ve been cleaning out my closet. Gathering together all of my shirts, pants, dresses, belts, pjs, coats, and everything else that doesn’t fit me anymore. I filled 2 huge bags to the top, and then stood looking at it all. It was a little sad….and a little scary. Sad because, I still love some of those clothes and would still wear them if they fit. Scary because, I’ve lost so much weight in such a short period of time, and to be perfectly and bluntly honest, there is a little voice in the back of my head – “what if you gain all the weight back?” or “you’ll regret getting rid of these bigger clothes later on.” It’s SO hard to silence those fears. And what if that voice is right? What if all of the changes that I’ve made over the past 7 months and 3 weeks suddenly vanish and I wake up one day, back in my old habits and my old (huge) pants? What if I DO regret getting rid of all of these bigger clothes? I know this sounds extremely negative, and I know that I should just focus on where I am right now – instead of the “what if’s” of the future….but it can be hard at times.
I have lost weight in the past, but eventually old habits returned, and I gained it all back. I would love to wholeheartedly believe that I will NEVER let myself go back into those old habits, but in a way, I feel like that is being naive for some reason…..and I’m trying to get past that feeling. Keeping all of these clothes on the off-chance that I “might” need them again, is just plain self-sabotaging. I want to fill my closet and dresser drawers with clothes that show all of my hard work – all of the times I’ve said no to cake, pasta, cookies, and lattes. Clothes that show all of the healthy recipes I’ve researched, and shopped for, and cooked. All of the veggies I’ve eaten, even when they were the last thing I wanted to have in the world. All of the times that I’ve dragged my behind out of bed to exercise and get my body moving purely for the sake of health. For the last 233 days, I have done it. Not perfectly all the time, and it certainly wasn’t easy, but I have done it. I’ve worked so hard, and I’ve treated my body better than I ever have in my whole life – 54 lbs and tons of inches gone, and it shows.
So, I will be getting rid of my old clothes. It’s still a little scary for me, but I’m choosing to focus on where I am now – not where I was, or where I might be, but just right now. Because right now, this is me. ♥
Outfit details (new small clothes – hooray!):
Studded faux leather jacket – Forever 21 (gift from my sister Stormie!)
Black shorts – Target (gift from my mom!)
Black and silver sparkle tights – Target (another gift from my mom!)
Studded leather boots – Rachel Roy (thrifted)
P.S. We are currently on Day 16 of our 2nd Whole 30 – over half way there!
P.P.S. Thank YOU for your support and encouragement. Thanks for reading my posts about this (sometimes) sensitive subject, and for just letting me spill my guts:)
Denise von Minden
Jan 23, 2014 -
Love this honesty so much. We all have those voices. I’ve been listening to the ones telling me I can’t lose weight for far too long. So glad to be on the journey with you, friend.
Stephanie May
Jan 30, 2014 -
Denise, I am grateful for you. Thank you for your encouragement! <3 <3
Audrey
Jan 23, 2014 -
You should let me raid those bags before you get rid of them! I’ve always loved your style. You look amazing!
Miki Baxter
Jan 23, 2014 -
Thank you for your transparency! Have you thought about altering some of your favorite outfits to make them fit the new you? There are some pieces I adore and plan to keep, though I’ll be tailoring them a bit. I understand the doubting, but we’ll continue to press on in this journey and encourage each other! You’re leading a whole new crew of healthy (and thinner) overcomes!!!
Stephanie May
Jan 30, 2014 -
I kept some of my favorite outfits to alter! But only if they are really special:) Thank you for your sweet words Miki! <3
the mom
Jan 23, 2014 -
Good for you, sweetpea! When I boguht those shorts in your new size (and they are getting looser), I thought, “Look how tiny these are!” :)
kate
Jan 23, 2014 -
you can bring them to the clothing exchange! i promise we’re finalizing a date. hehe. and then i can take all of the cool old big clothes, hehe. proud of you, you’re an inspiration! totally ordering that book today!
Stephanie May
Jan 30, 2014 -
I definitely will! Thanks lady! <33
Chyrl
Jan 24, 2014 -
Yes! Don’t keep any of the old around. It is not helpful. New body = mew clothes. You have done great!
Stephanie May
Jan 30, 2014 -
Thank you for your sweet words and encouragement everyone! It seriously means a lot:) <3